Tag Archives: Yoga journey

Risk it.

Good Morning avid readers! I have been up since long before the sun and I have been pretty damn productive. Fighting off a cold that keeps trying to creep in–Elderberry syrup (that mom made), a boat load of vitamins, hot tea, water, and good foods are what I’m using to keep it at bay. So far nothing beyond just feeling a bit icky and run down. It is not going to take root! I refuse to allow such things to happen. I have a lot to do these days. So, the big news.

I’m moving. Not leaving the Port City, but I am making my way to a different dwelling that isn’t Hell. Long story short, because the apartment employees, and some 3rd party hires, my living room flooded 3 times since July. Because of that, I decided to officially break my lease and get the hell out of here. Their negligence is inexcusable and my personal things were destroyed on more than one occasion. I can’t take it, nor should I have to! So, here I go on November 1, 2017 I am moving to a far better place. I am beyond excited. I am also really thrilled at what the process of moving has helped me get rid of in addition to helping me understand that is okay to take a risk and try something new.

I’ve been taking a lot of risks lately. Taking on a rent that is higher than what I am currently paying. I am taking on more responsibility in the yoga community around town. I officially work for 3 different institutions and I really love it. You can find me on Carolina Beach at Salty Dog Yoga and Surf on Saturday morning at 10:45am. Starting in October you can find me Monday morning at terra sol sanctuary at 9:00am for a 90s themed flow (this one is going to be off the chain!), and then I am doing some work with Yoga Village, a local nonprofit taking yoga to underserved communities. They all offer me a completely different perspective and give me the opportunity to grow into my own place. Figuring out who I am as a teacher is going to take time and i know I will evolve in a variety of ways! Finding comfort in my role as a teacher is vital, in addition to growing my own practice.

That being said I decided to take another risk. This one is leaving my gym and my gym family. Sadly, money is a real thing and I couldn’t afford it anymore. However, I will take the lessons I have learned over the years and apply them to my own style of working out. Doing so much yoga on top of heavy lifting isn’t something my body is used to doing. I am in a lot more pain that I am used to being in and as someone that uses their body to instruct and make a living, I have to be careful. And while it is bitter sweet for me to leave the gym, I know it is what I have to do right now. Hopefully I will be able to go back one day, but right now my priorities are in growing my yoga practice–which can be pretty strenuous! And I am having to remind myself that it is okay to stray away from things as we grow. Some things are put in our paths to help us toward another one. TFW has taught me so much about myself since day 1! The coaches that I’ve had are amazing and while I may have hated one day or another I still pushed through. Yes, I did complain while I did it too. But it was all part of growing and expanding. If it wasn’t for the confidence I got in TFW I probably never would have gone on to try yoga or gotten certified. Through the training program I learned that things I never thought I could do are things that are well in my grasp if I get rid of the fear surrounding it and actually try!

And on top of it all I am learning so much. Not just about yoga and the practice and how to build effective classes and such, but about who I am and who I want to be. Each day I learn a little more, I get a little deeper, and a little smarter. I am also going to be putting together a workshop in the near future, but that is still VERY much in the infant stages. I’m going to be attending some lectures this week and next about Hindu art and Buddhist art which I plan to somehow bring into the studio and create a class around. Life is so full of adventure right now, you can understand why I don’t want to get sick!

I suppose I should find my way into doing some more work this morning before the day gets away from me. Before I go, can I just tell you how thrilled I am that my trips to the laundry mat are officially numbered! Just a couple more weeks and then I will have the ability to wash things in my house! It’s the little things. While I do appreciate all of my loads finishing at one time, I still like the idea of not getting there at 8am to make sure I can get my shit done before I have to be somewhere else. And being able to just warm up a towel in the dryer or something like that. Oh the things we take for granted.

Well, y’all wish me luck. The tides are changing and I am ever so excited about this change! Sometimes the risk is worth it. OH! I almost forgot, Autumn will be here next week and that alone is worth celebrating! I cannot wait for sweaters and boots and snuggling by a campfire. ❤ Namaste!

The First Month…

Y’all it has been a freaking month since I became a certified yoga instructor. August has flown by and I have been so incredibly blessed to have had the opportunities that have been presented to me. I’m working for two studios and one non profit. I have taught 15 different classes ranging from kids to various kinds of flows. I’m pretty thrilled with the idea of doing more of this. Getting to connect with people and learning from the seasoned teachers around me has been such a beautiful experience.

I am making my way to take more classes this week. That is my goal. I’m aiming for 3 classes in addition to the 4 I’m teaching and going to lift 3 days this week too. I may die from all of the physical activity, but it will be a great way to go, right? 🙂

I was looking on my Facebook memories and I saw an interesting thing that I had done 3 years ago. It was saying 3 things that I am thankful for which I picked my parents, my sisters, and my grandma. My grandma is 93 years old as of this past July 11. She amazes me so much, but the memory was talking about a card she had sent me. The card is nothing fancy, just a garden scene painted by Renoir. Inside it says “Cheers to you!” and she wrote a personal note in it. She said she couldn’t wait to see my name up in lights one day. Writing those words makes me tear up. I feel like this is that time in my life. The lights have been being installed, and now they are going to be turned on. Maybe each light will flicker on in its own time, maybe they will all shine at once, but I genuinely feel that things are pressing in that direction. I feel more fulfilled now that I may have ever felt.

As a teen I didn’t know what the hell I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be so many different things. I wanted to be a chef and a singer and a lazy bum. In college I wanted to teach. I wanted to be able to connect with people over a subject matter that I loved, like my teachers had done for me. I wanted to some how keep the legacy in my family to be a teacher. My aunts were great teachers (retired now). I felt it was genetically possible for me to do the same. I also always wanted to help the less fortunate.

Growing up my parents always encouraged my sister and I to give to those who had less than we did. My grandparents always, still to this day, ask us to bring donations for the food pantry at their church when we come to visit. Because of their examples my sister and I would spend gift certificates on toys for kids in the hospital. We watched as our parents donated time and money to causes that they showed us were important. That is what sent me to the Bronx to work, the drive to help others. That is what drove me to connect with Yoga Village, a local nonprofit that takes yoga to underrepresented groups. That is also what drove me to become involved in activism and politics. I don’t ever plan on running for office, but I do plan on spending the rest of my life fighting for those who have less than I do.

Not only has yoga given me confidence in myself and a whole new banquet of knowledge, but it has also given me the opportunity to connect in ways that I always longed for. Yoga is activism. It is helping others who have less. It is teaching. It is connecting to my community. It is all of the things I ever wanted in life, and just never knew it. I am beyond grateful for the experience. I am beyond grateful for the opportunities that I have received in just this first month of being official. I am grateful for the continued support of my family and friends. I am grateful for all of the blessings that have been given to me this year. The growth that I have experienced as an individual. The friendships that I have made. And all of the personal confidence I have acquired.

Thank you all for being on this journey with me. I am humbled at the opportunities that I  have been given and I couldn’t imagine my life going any other way. I suppose it is time to flip the switch and see what my name looks like all lit up.

Namaste! ❤

Audition: Take 1

When I was in library school I took a practicum to be a First Year Instruction librarian. I was not so great at that whole part of my life, however I did a blog about it and one of the things I remember from that was how important reflection after a class really is. Today I had an audition for a position at a local yoga studio. I have practiced there from time to time and I really enjoy how close it is to the ocean. The owner/lead instructor was ever so gracious to give me a chance to succeed with her studio. Today was my official audition. Reggae Flow.

First off, there is a lot of Reggae music out there and narrowing down my choices was really difficult. I thought the playlist ended up pretty well. Subjects from the sunshine to unconditional love, lionesses on the rise to warriors. My critique with the music was it may not have been loud enough, but I’m always afraid people won’t be able to hear me. So that is something I need to play around with! Not a big deal.

Second, I used the routine that I put together for my graduation. It’s a pretty legit routine, or at least I think it is. I like to do as Iyengar suggests and hold each pose for 20-30 seconds. For me that is about 5 breaths. Gives you time to settle into a pose and actually attack it and attempt to better your asana. Everyone got sweaty. People laughed at my jokes and random banter. That is encouraging. I try to make things a little light hearted and laid back. The asana is serious enough, the mental state in the room doesn’t need to be.

Third, I was nervous. I expected to be nervous, as I always am when I go to a room full of people that I don’t actually know. Working with my kula during our training was scary at first too, because we were just getting comfortable with each other, however each time I walk into a class for the first time I get nervous. Doesn’t matter what I’m teaching. Art history or yoga. Day 1 anxiety is something I am accustomed to.

Fourth, I got some great feedback from students at the end. Just saying that they enjoyed the practice, or they like the way I said something they had never heard before, etc. I like that. I wanted to be able to speak to them all, but Saturday morning bustle is real when the sun comes out for the first time in a freaking week! The beach was calling to many. 🙂

Fifth, my routine was not normal this morning and it threw me off and made me a little more nervous than I should have been. I’m totally okay with it being thrown off because my best friend has returned to America from Nepal and I am so happy she is staying with me. She brought me back some priceless gifts and I love them all. She used to teach at the studio that I auditioned for today. I’m basically just trying to follow in the footsteps she has laid out. It seems to be working! Fingers crossed it continues to do that! ❤

I hope everyone enjoys the weekend!

~Namaste~<3

Onward and Upward

I have busted my ass as long as I can remember. I had a part time job starting at the age of 14 and always had a job since then, aside for the 6 weeks I didn’t in 2014. I have gotten an education along the way. Constantly pushing myself to prove, mostly to myself, that I’m not a moron. I was never an A+ student. I was an A/B student with the occasional C in math. I hate math. I’m an artsy type, so that isn’t abnormal.

In the 20 years I have been in the workforce I have worked in all kinds of places. I started out filing papers in a doctors office after school. I then moved on to retail in Jewelry, Kmart, then on to lots of restaurant jobs, back to retail, back to food, back to retail. Then in New York City I ended up working in education. I always said I wanted to teach. More specifically that I wanted to teach Art History. I had such great teachers in college that I wanted to be just like in my own way. I thought I could do it. So I set out on a path to do it. But turns out that path involves a PhD. So, I started with the Masters. I went to NYU and got that taken care of, amazingly. I never thought I would be smart enough to hang with the elite of NYU, but I graduated with a 3.6 GPA. So, you’d think I had the ability to tell myself I was pretty smart by that accomplishment, right? Nope. Still thought I was a moron.

I came home from New York and got a crap job. I stayed in that job and moved up for a few years. Then I went back to school for a degree in Library and Information science. I always saw so many openings for librarians when I searched for jobs. What the hell right? I busted my ass to get through library school in 18 months. I worked in a library for 2 years, one year in grad school and the other year just after. I like it. It was fun. Being surrounded by so much knowledge on a daily basis. I graduated with a 3.95 because I got an A- in a class. So, you’d think that would set me straight, and I would be confident in my knowledge. Nope. Still always second guessing my skills, what I knew how to do, etc.

I got laid off in 2014 from that library job. They didn’t want to hire me, as I was just a temp for a year. I suppose it isn’t good to be progressive around some folks. I accept that. At that point I was unemployed. I got 3 unemployment checks before I started working in retail again. Some crappy things happened with some friends of mine, we had a huge falling out in July 2014. And being really upset about not having a job, etc didn’t help.

One day I got an email from one of my undergraduate professors that I had kept up with. She said she would be taking a leave of absence for the semester of Fall 2014 and would I be interested in teaching her courses. She had 2, but could get me in line with a 3rd so the money would be worth it. Lucky for me a great friend of mine let me crash in her spare room for a few months. I moved. I took a chance. I cut a lot of ties with a lot of people, and took a chance on myself. I was SO scared of doing this teaching thing. University level teaching. It had been 4 years since I was in an art history class. I had no idea how to make a lesson plan or what kind of assignments to create. Hell, I didn’t even know what book to take my notes from. But I do know how to bust my ass, and I figured it all out. Yes, there were lots of bumps along the way. Yes I probably learned far more than my students did the first couple of semesters, but what I never stopped to take note of is the fact that I did it. I faked it the whole time and I made it. I’m a far better teacher now than I used to be. Going into my 4th academic year, reflecting on all of the hard work I have put into this career, I can say that I am much smarter than I ever gave myself credit.

My journey in getting Yoga certified has been a big contributor to that confidence. I still get nervous getting up in front of a class of people the first day, I know this because I taught my first adult class last Thursday and I was terrified. But I know what I’m doing. I have to remember that. Yes, I’m still learning, and hope to be forever, but I know the basics well enough to tell the people about it and even guide them through a practice. Yes, I will screw up. Yes, I will say the wrong thing. In all of the classes I teach. Some days I will be more tired than others. Some days I will be stretched too thin and others I will be bored to tears. But no matter what is going on, I will know that I have the ability to do what I am doing. People that know me on a personal level, they see it more than I do, and they tell me. The old professor that gave me her classes in 2014 emailed me yesterday telling me that she is continuously impressed by me. She has been my colleague for 4 years now and I can say I am equally impressed with her. She has always been a role model and without her guidance I don’t think I could have made it through the past couple of years. Honestly, my whole department has been really supportive and provided lots of guidance and feedback.

Today is the first day of the semester, even though classes don’t start until Aug 16. Today I got the Dean’s welcome email. I usually don’t read all of the emails from him, but this one I did. Turns out they gave everyone a raise. Me included. Sticking with it, and busting your ass pays off sometimes.

In Yoga news I have 2 more weeks in the After School program on Tuesdays. I have a Thursday evening class for adults. And tomorrow I’m going to meet with a studio owner to get things set up for a position in her studio. I can do this. I have the skills. I have the knowledge. I have the time. Onward and upward I go. I have been busting my ass. I will continue to bust it. And things will continue to pay off. I have some goals to reach by the end of the year, and I’m well on my way to accomplish them.

Thank you to all those who support me, encourage me, and inspire me. Without you always telling me that I was actually good enough, I may never have figured it out for myself.

~Namaste~ ❤

Dedication

I just made myself a smoothie. Blueberries, mango, celery, basil, spinach, hemp seeds, honey, and almond milk. Blend blend for a delicious breakfast. The basil really makes it delightful and cooling. I was reading about the health benefits of basil. Lots of good stuff come out of this little herb, and it really tastes delicious in a predominantly veggie based smoothie. It adds its own sweetness.

So, dedication is a real thing. It is so hard to dedicate time to yourself for the benefit of health and wellness. My first coach said to write it down in your calendar. Schedule it, like you do everything else. It’s a great idea and worked well for me, and still does. I’ve had the same workout/exercise routine for a couple of years now. It was hard to get that routine down pat. It was hard to dedicate the time to making myself move, but I did it. I was paying for it, I will make time. So I did. The hard part for me now is making time to add stuff to the already routine I have. I have been gaining and losing the same 20lbs for the past year and I am over being on this yo-yo plateau. Yes, I still see changes in my body, but I’m ready to dedicate the extra time it is going to take in order to actually get off this back and forth.

Can I be completely honest here? I have no freaking idea what it is like to be an average sized person. I’m not even talking about being skinny, but just like an average size 12. As long as I can recall I have shopped in the plus sized section. I know this sounds terrible, but I find comfort in this section. Because I don’t have as many options. Because I don’t actually have to change anything to achieve this section. Yes, I have gone from being a size 28 to a size 18/20. Right now I’m more toward the 20. And yes I am approaching the end of the size spectrum in this section, but I’m still not gone. I linger. Holding on. But what am I holding on for? I tell myself it is because my body just likes it here. My body just likes to be fat. No, my body would probably love it if I wasn’t overweight anymore. Then my skeletal system would get a little bit of a break. My knees especially. What’s the real reason? Because it is easier to just be fat.

Because it is easier to just be fat. The food makes you feel better because it’s loaded with sugar and salt and chemicals that play with your brain. I also really love vegetables and things that are good for me, but sometimes it is just too much work. Sometimes it just doesn’t matter and I’m hungry now. Eat a peanut butter sandwich.

As someone suffering from PCOS, which makes me insulin resistant (I do not have diabetes though, thank God), I should live a very clean food driven life. I should be focused on avoiding grain and things that react as sugar in the body. Grain, alcohol, sugar, and fruit. I like fruit so i will never give it up, and it is good for you, you just have to know when to eat it. There is fruit in my smoothie, just not much in comparison to the vegetables.

I have the tools to accomplish this stuff. I was well on my way in June, but then I got 5 days of IV drip steroids and blew up like a puffer fish. The 15 pounds i lost turned into 20 gained. It is still here. And I’m done with it. I’m getting more work teaching yoga. I’m going to need the proper fuel to sustain throughout the day and keep myself healthy. I have the tools. I have the knowledge. I know what I’m doing because I’ve been doing this for a long ass time. I just have to put the elements together and dedicate the time. So here goes.

I made a new workout schedule. I’m making a grocery list of low carb, satisfying food that I can be happy with. I am taking things one day at a time. My goal is to lose 35lbs in the next 150 days. That will be the end of 2017. I know I can do it. I’ve done it before. I can do it again. Only this time we’re going to keep moving down. It will be mostly food oriented. I’m going to give 100%.

I really try not to pay attention the scale. But sometimes it tells us the truth, even though we don’t want to see it. I know that this is a big long journey and that I should honor that and how far I have come. I do honor that, believe me. I am quite proud of who I am and what I have accomplished. This year especially! I will probably come here to complain about how much I want a cupcake. I will also complain about the heat or something similar which will make me not want to go for a walk. Then I will get mad at myself. Then I will go on a walk. But I will probably stop and write about how mad I am in between.

Today, I would normally be heading to the gym, but I have to go take a tour of a facility where I will be teaching yoga on Thursday nights. It’s apparently an involved building complex. So, I am skipping it to take this tour. I will be coming home to practice my yoga routine sequencing for the week. I have a class Thursday evening and on Sunday morning.

I hope the day is full of magic and positive changes. ❤

Wiggly

I have been in a state of bliss the past couple days, just because of the weather. The heat is still around, but the humidity has been really low. Last night there was a magical breeze as I sat outside with friends. It felt like Fall had come early. But here I sit and it is only August 1. Also, can you believe it is August 1? Only 15 days until I have to start teaching again. Yikes! But the weather makes me wiggly inside. And I start to long for jeans, boots, and scarves. Soon.

I’m going back to the after school program today to hang out with the kids. I have a fun story to share with them. At least I think it is fun! And I have a new partner to help me out. The original lead here couldn’t keep the job because of a schedule issue, so it’s my baby now. I think today is going to be an awesome day for some yoga. Going to a local yoga thing tonight at the studio where I did my training. They’re celebrating one year of being open. I’m excited to celebrate with them. Love the ladies responsible and the instructors that I have met. I have yet to meet all of them, but maybe as time goes along.

Starting my first Sunday yoga installment this weekend. Looking forward to getting a regular practice with two of my best friends. It’s yoga then brunch and some pool lounging. How could you go wrong? Also, they’re going to help me learn a lot about transitions and adjustments. Not sure if they know it yet, but it’s real.

In other yoga news I have a 30 day pass for a local yoga center that I really need to use. I am in need of more of it, and I want to do my best to actually benefit from it. I’m hesitant to do it because it is another commitment to myself and sometimes I’m afraid of making too many commitments to her. I know that sounds completely silly, but it is true. I’m always afraid that I’m going to over extend myself. I should reconsider thinking that going to yoga for 30 days is an ever commitment. Because that’s honestly just bananas. I also enjoy being lazy during my time off from work.

I need to write down my routine for today and work on my routine for Sunday with the girls. I also need to handle some administrative stuff. Being an independent contractor is really a lot of work. I see why people just don’t.

Have a lovely rest of the week!

Falling into Bliss

Top of the morning to y’all! I can’t even begin to explain how thrilled I am with life right now. I’ve been working my butt off to make sure that things get done. My yoga certification was a big one, and now that it is over things keep falling into place. It’s bananas.

During training we talked about how the things you put out into the world can manifest themselves. Not only am I putting myself out there, but I’m not afraid to do it anymore. I used to sit and hesitate, making excuses that I wasn’t good enough to do XYZ. But here’s the kicker, I’m better than good enough. I am perfection in my imperfection. Do I still screw up? of course! Do I still have setbacks? Of course! But it is all in the way you handle things. And now things that used to bother me and that I would stress about, do not have the same effect.

Yesterday I went to do yoga with some kids in their after school program. Super high energy and crazy after school as all kids usually are. So sweet though. They just want attention from new people most of the time, especially the younger ones. One of the hot topics was my blue shirt and how it was soooo pretty. One girl wanted to do my hair. And two of them, sisters, had to sit next to me and lean on me for a while. When it was time to do stuff, they mostly chimed in. Being the first time the kids were sometimes confused as to what was going on, but they picked up on things pretty well. At the end, 3 of the boys who were probably 2-3rd grade sat and meditated. One of them obviously does it regularly because I’m pretty sure he zoned out for a good few minutes. After we cleaned up the mats he even went to the reading corner and continued to breathe and stay quiet. This is all because the elementary school he goes to offers yoga. I have done some work at his school, and I am so glad to see that these kids are actually taking their practice home. Just goes to show that teaching mindfulness is vital to children. It gives them an outlet they may never have had before.

Once I got home from after school I had an email from my boss at the University where I teach. She wanted to know if I wanted an extra class. Of course I did! So as I sit here we are figuring out what hours and such, so the Registrar’s office can make it reality. I will be honest, I was kinda nervous about not having 3 classes. 3 classes means I will have my bills paid. I was making the steps to have yoga classes make up the missing income, but now I don’t have to stress about that as much. And I am SUPER thankful for that. I am working on other things too, and hopefully they will come into reality but for now they are floating in the ether.

Got on the scale this morning. Down 6 pounds. I assume it is from the increased hours of yoga and not eating as much. That’ll do it right? Move more and eat less. Life is beautiful. I did have a weird dream about eating glass last night. Apparently it is a cue to shut up, or that I have said something to hurt others. Probably because I told Zack to shhhhh during Game of Thrones last night (Yes I watched it a few days late). He didn’t appreciate it and was ill with me for a bit. Obviously that translated into my dream. I will say that the glass eating was all too real in that I could feel it crunching in my teeth. And I remember thinking, oh this is crunchy! and then looking down to see it was a glass elephant that I was eating, so I spit it out because passing glass through the body didn’t seem like a good idea. Pretty sure i had swallowed some already though. Dreams are weird. Lesson learned in multiple ways.

So, that is about it for today. The only other news is my business cards shipped this morning and I am super excited to see them in person. Here’s to the future! Also, remember that what you put out into the world, you get back. Put good things out there and good will come back to you!

Namaste!

And the Adventure Begins

Yesterday I was super tired, but crazy productive. I did manage to do some chores around the house, thankfully, and handled a lot of business stuff. I managed to get signed up with Yoga Alliance, get insurance, ordered business cards, sent out some emails to potential places to work, started a spreadsheet for tax purposes, and bought a new planner.

I have more things to do today that are administrative in nature, but I also get to go to work. Doing yoga. There is a local non-profit called Yoga Village that puts teachers in high needs communities (schools, shelters, etc) for people who could benefit from yoga. The director called me yesterday to ask me if I wanted to be a teacher for an after school program that starts today. Of course I jumped at the opportunity. I have a very special place in my heart for high needs kids. If I am able to give to my community, then I am all about it. And it is quite beneficial for them. So for the next 4 Tuesday’s I will be hanging out after school with K-7th graders and teaching them some yoga. She was so pleased that I was available. But honestly, I would do anything to get to work with these kids. It really does wonders for the soul. I don’t even know them yet, but I am so excited to get to know them. And hopefully give them some tools to help them off the mat.

I have been working with high needs youth since 2008, off and on. I started when going to New York University for graduate school. I did a work study program called America Reads, America Counts that put students in different schools throughout the city to help teachers and students. I ended up at Fannie Lou Hamer Freedom High School in the South Bronx. I worked with two teachers, who were so amazing, that taught 9th and 10th grade humanities. I had never been the minority until the first day at that school. It was quite shocking to my sheltered southern self, but I grew to know the students and I adore them to this day. They taught me so much about life. The best day in that experience was when one of the girls told me that I was officially one of them. It took most of the semester, but that was fine. I still keep up with a couple of them, and I am proud to say that they are doing great things in life, and I like to think that maybe I had a little something to do with that. Maybe I didn’t, but even if that is the case they gave me so much more than I could have ever anticipated.

My friend Marah introduced me to Yoga Village last spring. She was working for them, and wanted to get me involved. I had already started my RYT-200 training so it was okay that I went. We went to a local elementary school, also high needs, and had a blast. They are the sweetest little kids. We worked mostly with the autistic kids and watching them adapt and grow in their practice each week was magical. Getting to know all their little personalities was humbling and exciting. Sitting and thinking about them now I can’t help but giggle remembering little things that happened. I hope to see them again in September to see what has changed and hear their stories.

As I mentioned before, I’m totally stoked to go and hang out with these kids. One of the most important things to do as a yoga instructor is to give to the community. Providing service not only helps the community grow and evolve, but it is good for the soul too. I hope to do more and more as the weeks and months pass.

So here’s to the beginning! So much beautiful opportunity out there that is ripe for the picking! All you have to do is find it. I didn’t think this would happen so fast, but I’m so grateful and thankful that it has! Let the adventure begin! ❤

 

 

RYT200

Wow. My card this morning said “Desire is the beginning of all creation.” This couldn’t be more spot on!

So, last night we graduated from our RYT200. I am mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. 6 hours of yoga in 2 days. The graduation ceremony, which was beautiful, gave me a new sense of self. As I sit here and think about what to write tears are pooling because I was trying to remember everything that was said, and how much it meant to me. I am in awe of these women. They helped me see just how special I actually am. And I hope that what I had to say to them helped them see how special they really are as well.  Each one of them is so special and unique. I never would have known any of them if I hadn’t taken this training. I am honestly blessed to have gotten the chance to go through this challenge with them. To change our lives forever.

To keep the momentum going I am going to start a yoga book club. I want to facilitate a place for discussion about things we touched on in the training but didn’t have time to dive into all the way. I’ve been spending a lot of time with the Sutras, Yamas and Neamas. I want a place to talk to people about them, discuss what they mean and what they are on a deeper level. I can sit in my own thoughts and just be there, or I can involve others and get different perspectives. Not only will we get the chance to talk about yoga but it will keep us connected. I need these ladies to stay in my life and keep me saturated and inspired. I have no doubt that they will.

In all honesty I am an emotional basket case today. I don’t even know how to explain it. I’m happy, and sad. Full and empty. Rainy and Sunny. I feel like there is so much more for me to do, but I don’t know where to start. I mean, I made the resume, the website, the blog, Facebook page, registered with Yoga Alliance, and graduated from the course. Really at this point I should just go clean my kitchen, shower, and vacuum all the clumps of cat hair my sweet Kaya is leaving all over the house for me. And yet I just sit and reflect. Type these letters into a screen to make words that only do a half ass job of explaining where I am in my own head. Attempting to manifest something spectacular.

I know it will all come into reality on its own, but I’m bad at waiting sometimes, especially when it is something that I really want. But I guess, I should just keep doing the little things. Right? Read the books. Grow my practice. And manifest my own destiny.

To my kula, I just wanted to tell you guys that I couldn’t have done it without you. I will cherish all of the sentiments that you shared with me last night, and when things don’t go right or when I doubt myself I will remember those things and use them to push through the shadows back into the light. I am blessed beyond compare. I miss you guys already.

But, here’s to new adventures!

The Beginning

Yesterday I pulled 3 cards from 3 different decks. One from the “Teachings of Abraham Well-Being” Cards, one from the Magical Unicorn cards, and one from another deck that was out at the sanctuary. The first card I pulled said “All is Well”. The second one I pulled said something I cannot remember and had a swan on it. The third one said “Grandparents”. All very powerful cards. All had something to do with the moment. I sit here and smirk, but I fell like yesterday I became a swan, and all is right where it is supposed to be.

Ok. I’m going to get real for a minute. A little back story, and probably being way to honest with the internet, but here we go.

Born and raised Catholic until somewhere around my dad’s kidney transplant when I was in the 6th grade. I took to some books about witchcraft as a teen. I was a goth kid, it was par for the course. I didn’t really care about it though. I didn’t really care about anything. As a kid I liked plants, but I didn’t really care to know anything about them. I didn’t want to spend the time learning. I didn’t want to spend the time to get into my own head long enough to figure out what I liked or was interested in or whatever. Nothing sparked my interest. Singing was where I got my high. I had a Soprano I register, and a love for Broadway Musicals. There were a couple of solos in high school chorus and chamber singer (I got a Letter in btw), I competed in some things, but after high school the outlets aren’t really there for more. I didn’t want to study music. Because what can you do with a music degree? Teach it or be a professional. I didn’t want to do either, not that there is anything wrong with either, just not what I wanted. So in college I found art.

Y’all. Art is the thing that makes us who we are. It is the one thing that connects us to the world and our very essence of existence. We get to look at the pain that someone felt and maybe we felt that pain too. You can get something similar from written words or music, but it isn’t the same. They are different kinds of connections to the senses, but visually connecting is something that is harder to do. It also isn’t as readily in your face as music is in your ears, or words are in your mind. Art hits you in the core. It might be sheer pain, or utter bliss. Sometimes it just comes to you when you don’t even expect it to. I remember when I moved to NYC and I went to the MOMA for the first time. I knew that Van Gogh’s Starry Night was in that building. I had a map, I didn’t use it. I went strolling from gallery to gallery, floor to floor, and while I saw some things I loved and wanted to see, the minute I turned the corner in the last gallery and came face to face with it, I never knew what emotions felt like. I cried. Right there in that room. Surrounded by people chattering and snapping images of images. It was like he was showing me a secret world, that I thought I understood, but had never truly seen. Even now, thinking about that moment makes me tear up. That is the kind of power that art can have on someone. The only other time something moved me to a sense of awe was setting foot inside Cologne Cathedral in Germany. The building that I had studied and knew everything about was surrounding me, and it actually felt like God was in the room. Art found me, and never let me go. I am lucky enough to get to teach people about art. I always wanted to do it, and I was given the opportunity to start 4 years ago. This August starts my 4th Fall semester teaching, and I have learned so much.

I was so terrified to teach. My first day, with my first ever Freshmen, was not as horrible as I thought it was going to be. We grew together, and learned that college thing. They taught me a lot, as each and every class as since then. Good and bad.

Going into my Yoga Teacher Training I was not afraid of teaching but more afraid of being judged than anything. Judged by everyone, including my friends and family for doing something so hokey. It is also hard being the fat girl in the yoga class. People are very quick to criticize even though yoga is an inclusive practice. But despite my hesitation I took a jump and all that worry fell away. I started reading books again. I started finding more time for myself. Quiet time for meditation or just time to sit and think. Nothing major, just little things that we don’t do anymore. I started learning about chakras and how they balance the body. I started reading about Gods and Goddesses from other religions and how they played a role in yoga. How their stories shaped the practice and help us tell stories with our bodies. I no longer felt the world judging me but supporting me. There is singing involved too. That part was really exciting for me. It was like yoga brought all of the aspects of my life together. Singing, art, and mixed it together with some exercise that strengthens your body and your mind. How could it not be awesome?

Today is the day after my first class as a yoga teacher. I have been awake since like 5:30am. I had a restful sleep but my mind turned on this morning, trying to remember and process and absorb the experience of that first class. It took me a couple days to put the routine together, but it took me so much longer to figure out what to say. I didn’t say any of it. I came to my mat open and honest with everyone including myself. I don’t think I ever felt more comfortable. I don’t think I have ever been so confident or humbled at the same time. Even as I sit here I am very calm, but there is a buzzing going on in my body/mind that is incredible. I can’t explain it, but this might be the first time I’ve ever felt what it feels like to be alive. I know that sounds mildly insane, but it’s true. We go through our lives with so much expectation of how things should be or go or whatever that we don’t take the time to be here, alive and thankful. We sit and complain and become the “victim” all the time, but rarely sit back and actually take a minute to exist and be thankful for that existence.

Today I am ever so blessed. My cup runneth over. And this is only the beginning.