Tag Archives: student

Holiday Reconnect

Happy Tuesday, everyone! It has been a hot minute since I’ve had an opportunity to blog. Since I moved I’ve been running around, unpacking, traveling, etc. and quite frankly I’m so happy to be able to be home for a few weeks before the travels start again. I need this time to ground myself. Focus. Hang out and just breathe!

I have had a blast running around though. I went to New Jersey to see my friend, Olga, and her family. Her oldest daughter got married and the wedding was beautiful! Spending time with Olga was much needed. I hadn’t seen her in 8 years, since I moved out of NYC. It was just like old times though. The only the that had really changed was she moved, and she got a cat. Everything else, the same.

Upon returning from Jersey I had to work one day and then I was off to visit my family in the North Carolina mountains. I drove way too much, but I was happy to get the time to see everyone. I like hearing what they’ve been up to. It was also my cousin Jon’s 26th birthday on Thanksgiving. I can’t believe he’s 26. Scares me that the youngest (he’s 3rd from the bottom age wise with the cousins) group of kids in our family will all be in their 30s very soon.

I spent Thanksgiving evening with my parents at their house. Mom had to work, so she was unable to go to the festivities at grandmas, but it was nice to see her and spend time with both of them. I broke the news that I had been seeing someone, Zack (just in case you didn’t know either). They were quite happy and look forward to meeting him. It won’t be over Christmas, because he has to work, but none the less, one day!

So here it is the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. December will be here Friday. My lovely yogi sister, Starr, has a birthday on Friday too! And it wraps up the end of the semester for me. I’m excited to have time off from teaching. I get to focus my time on doing some academic writing for myself and studying for the GRE. Hurray! Christmas break is so fun! I have planned on doing a yoga tour of Wilmington. Spending time learning and practicing from those around me. I am excited to experience some new things and really push myself to get outside my comfort zone. I’m stuck there, and I have to stop it. So, naturally, I am going to go to my mat and try all the things. There are so many wonderful teachers in this town (it’s legit over flowing with amazing teachers) and it is silly of me not to take advantage. I think I might start on Friday morning, since it is the first day I have ‘off’ from work. And I know just who’s class to take. Alexis, I’m coming for you!

In addition to my yoga tour, I’m excited to study. To spend time expanding my knowledge and working toward a larger goal. I have been anticipating this time off so I could focus and just work on stuff I want to do, instead of stuff I have to do for work. Not that I don’t like that stuff, but sometimes I find it really hard to actually split the two and I know that I need to learn to do that again. I plan to pursue some big things, and push myself again. I’ve done a lot of pushing this year, and I want to wrap up the year itself with one last one. It will lead me into 2018 and help me stay focused next year. Because, I’m not doing all this stuff to not keep at it. Dreams are worth chasing. And I’m trying to focus on some short term goals for now, that will possibly lead me to that bigger dream. Dr. Deirdre. It has a fantastic ring to it, no?

In closing, here’s to the last week of classes! I look forward to the month off. I look forward to the holidays with friends and family. I look forward to pushing myself outside of this comfort zone so I can grow and prosper in a different way.

2017 has been an awesome year. 2018, I hope you’ll be the same.

Namaste!

Personal Evolution

Lately I have been doing a lot of writing. Just in my own journal because I love the feeling of pen on paper. I like the tactile quality of doing things the “old fashioned” way. I have a love/hate relationship with the screen too. As someone who has spent so much time hanging out in academia I have spent too much time in front of the screen! So getting away from it is a blessing. And carrying around a journal instead of a laptop is, by far, much easier.

A very wonderful friend of mine has recently started a PhD program at FSU in Tallahassee Florida and while she has been separated from me I still feel like she is close by. We were talking yesterday because the job she wants is open in the location she wants. The only problem is that she needs the PhD to be able to get the job. I flirt with the idea of going back to school for that doctorate. I want it some days, and other days I struggle with the idea of putting my student hat back on. What happens when I finish and have spent so much time and effort doing this great thing, and there’s nothing for me to do with it at the end, beyond what I already do? Don’t get me wrong the title alone would be epic for me, and I’d be the first doctor in my family, but I often struggle with the potential future that it would create. Yes, I would love to be able to study and do the things that I love in this world more effectively and write about them. Yes, I would love to be able to find a tenure track position and teach art history to the masses (because maybe one day it will be important again!). And I realize that I have to be far more dedicated to my studies than I already am in order to achieve any of this. There is lots of studying involved in even being accepted to a program. There’s lots of writing as well. Which I don’t mind, I just am so out of practice of all of these things that I feel I might be completely terrible at it. And I know that I probably will be at first, but eventually it will all come back. I’m not stupid, I am quite capable. I may in fact be the best damn researcher on the planet (I’m not really, but I’m damn good at it!). So what gives? What is holding me back? I honestly don’t know, other than fear.

So what is fear? Fear of failure? Fear of never being accepted to a school? Fear of not finding a university that would actually pay me to be there, because there’s no way I can afford to take out any kind of loan to do this degree. It will have to be a completely full ride. Basically, I have to get over these fears. If I try, and actually apply myself then I should find a program that will see my potential and let me in. If I try and actually find myself succeeding, then I will know this was the right path for me, yes? And maybe the universe will recognize the effort that I’m putting into it all. The personal evolution that I am going through to let go of these fears and just let things happen. I keep saying that I want my new place to be a different kind of energy and getting rid of the fear that lingers in my head about these tasks is something that has to be left behind. I’m throwing them out with the old furniture that I am not bringing with me! I’m letting it go with the old clothes that I donated. I’m throwing it all away with the trash I leave in the dumpster. Because I can do this. I know I can.

At first I didn’t think that I could be a successful yoga instructor, but I am slowly growing into one. I have had some great mentors! So if I can go from thinking that I’m not the best, to actually thinking that I am pretty good on the mat, then I can find my way to apply that to my education and growing my crazy number of degrees. Counting my High School Diploma I have 5. And one day, counting my high school diploma I want to have six.

I want that PhD. I don’t care what I have to do to get it. If I have to study all night, and work all day, then I will do what is required. It is something I haven’t been able to stop thinking about for a long time. And they say (whomever “they” are) if you can’t stop thinking about it then you should probably just go ahead and do it.

I know that I am on a path of growth. I am uncomfortable most of the time, and that is simply me adjusting to this new realm of possibility. I want to be something better than what I am. I want to be the best that I can be. I want to work every day to find my way to that better place. I want to study and to grow and learn.

The journal that I am writing in these days, the cover says “The best way to get something done is to begin” and the only way that I can get this done is to start. I have to. I know how to. I just have to actually do it. So I suppose I should stop milling around, grab a fresh cup of coffee and dive into something beneficial for me and my future. No matter what it is, no matter how little I think I am accomplishing, a little is better than none. And eventually that “little” will evolve into something much bigger. Even pennies add up to something!

Fear is no longer an option. I have to push forward. The universe is pushing me in that direction and I can no longer resist.

❤ Namaste

It Takes a Village

Happiest of Monday’s to y’all! It’s going to be a beautiful week, full of lots of things and I just needed a moment to reflect on this past weekend. So much happened.

 

Saturday I wrapped up my mentorship at Salty Dog Yoga & Surf. I could not be more thankful for the opportunity to get feedback about my teaching from the seasoned yogi’s that I work with. Such a blessing to have their leadership and skills to help me learn. From now on I am a full fledged member of the staff and I’m so excited to continue to grow in this space. I am really enjoying getting to know the people who practice there as well. Bunch of awesome people. And I have to say, the flow I put together for them was by far the best one I’ve done to date.

Sunday morning I went to Island Beverage to lead a yoga class. Not a great turn out but that was probably due to the insanity of the half marathon taking place on the island yesterday. It was muggy! and I felt so bad for the folks running. When they signed up for it they probably thought it would be a cool run, temperature wise. Either way, it looked like there was a good turn out for that. Way to go half marathoners!

After I was done there I made my way home to grade 50 bibliographies. They were fairly terrible, and I’m sad to see that people have no idea how to evaluate the sources they use for research. However, once I was finished with those I made my way to the Yoga Village Festival! Such a nice turn out and the day cooled down a bit, and there was a nice breeze too. I got to meet so many people! Networking isn’t my strongest side, but I was in charge of Svasana assists at the “Relaxation Station” and because of that people really enjoyed hanging out with me. But who wouldn’t? You get a massage and to lay on the grass under some majestic pine trees! So perfect. I will say that touching so many people is exhausting. Having all of that energy pass through you and expending your own energy put me out by the end of the festival. To the point that making dinner was quite a task. It was so nice to see people come together to support this organization. It is such a beautiful part of the community and having so much positive energy in one space was inspiring. I can’t even begin to tell you how loving the space was.

As for the week ahead I’m going to a book club meeting today at noon and we’re reading the Untethered Soul. So awesome. I am really enjoying this book. I’ve never been much for books you find in the “self help” section of the book store, but honestly I haven’t been able to put it down. Learning how to not let things bother you. How to just let it go and when you feel like things are getting under your skin to just breathe and watch it go away. Something that I am really working on in my life. I let too many things get under my skin and drive me insane or make me mad, and it is unnecessary. I look forward to the discussion this afternoon.

This past weekend was also Fall break from my university job. So nice to, for the first time in 4 years, put my email on “Out of Office” and not deal with anything from Thursday to Sunday. I created a boundary. A real one and it was awesome! Everything was still there when I logged in today and I handled it all pretty swiftly. Back to the classroom tomorrow!

Well, I suppose the rest of my To Do list won’t do itself today, unless I actually get going. Welcome to my new followers! I’m thrilled to have you, and I hope to see some of your faces in a class soon!

Much love to all!

Namaste ❤

The First Month…

Y’all it has been a freaking month since I became a certified yoga instructor. August has flown by and I have been so incredibly blessed to have had the opportunities that have been presented to me. I’m working for two studios and one non profit. I have taught 15 different classes ranging from kids to various kinds of flows. I’m pretty thrilled with the idea of doing more of this. Getting to connect with people and learning from the seasoned teachers around me has been such a beautiful experience.

I am making my way to take more classes this week. That is my goal. I’m aiming for 3 classes in addition to the 4 I’m teaching and going to lift 3 days this week too. I may die from all of the physical activity, but it will be a great way to go, right? 🙂

I was looking on my Facebook memories and I saw an interesting thing that I had done 3 years ago. It was saying 3 things that I am thankful for which I picked my parents, my sisters, and my grandma. My grandma is 93 years old as of this past July 11. She amazes me so much, but the memory was talking about a card she had sent me. The card is nothing fancy, just a garden scene painted by Renoir. Inside it says “Cheers to you!” and she wrote a personal note in it. She said she couldn’t wait to see my name up in lights one day. Writing those words makes me tear up. I feel like this is that time in my life. The lights have been being installed, and now they are going to be turned on. Maybe each light will flicker on in its own time, maybe they will all shine at once, but I genuinely feel that things are pressing in that direction. I feel more fulfilled now that I may have ever felt.

As a teen I didn’t know what the hell I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be so many different things. I wanted to be a chef and a singer and a lazy bum. In college I wanted to teach. I wanted to be able to connect with people over a subject matter that I loved, like my teachers had done for me. I wanted to some how keep the legacy in my family to be a teacher. My aunts were great teachers (retired now). I felt it was genetically possible for me to do the same. I also always wanted to help the less fortunate.

Growing up my parents always encouraged my sister and I to give to those who had less than we did. My grandparents always, still to this day, ask us to bring donations for the food pantry at their church when we come to visit. Because of their examples my sister and I would spend gift certificates on toys for kids in the hospital. We watched as our parents donated time and money to causes that they showed us were important. That is what sent me to the Bronx to work, the drive to help others. That is what drove me to connect with Yoga Village, a local nonprofit that takes yoga to underrepresented groups. That is also what drove me to become involved in activism and politics. I don’t ever plan on running for office, but I do plan on spending the rest of my life fighting for those who have less than I do.

Not only has yoga given me confidence in myself and a whole new banquet of knowledge, but it has also given me the opportunity to connect in ways that I always longed for. Yoga is activism. It is helping others who have less. It is teaching. It is connecting to my community. It is all of the things I ever wanted in life, and just never knew it. I am beyond grateful for the experience. I am beyond grateful for the opportunities that I have received in just this first month of being official. I am grateful for the continued support of my family and friends. I am grateful for all of the blessings that have been given to me this year. The growth that I have experienced as an individual. The friendships that I have made. And all of the personal confidence I have acquired.

Thank you all for being on this journey with me. I am humbled at the opportunities that I  have been given and I couldn’t imagine my life going any other way. I suppose it is time to flip the switch and see what my name looks like all lit up.

Namaste! ❤

Symbolism

Earlier this evening Zack posed a question to me. He said he had been thinking about symbols of history. The cross was once a Roman symbol that was used to oppress Jewish and Christian folks to show them that they would be crucified if they defied Rome. The Star of David was used by the Nazi regime to mark and oppress the Jewish folks. Then posing the question about the confederate images that are being taken down.

I study symbolism. I approached my answer from an art historian view. Over the centuries great men (and some really shitty ones) have been made into monuments. Whether it is a statue of Robert E Lee or the Emperor Trajan, at some point the men of the past are no longer appropriate to memorialize in public. You don’t still see all the statues of people who were once in charge. Napoleon isn’t displayed all around France, he is in museums but he is no longer appropriate in public. He asked me when people decide to take these things down, and the only answer that I can come up with is when society sees a reason to take them down. Sometimes you need to melt down the metal and make bullets, other times is because the image of certain people is out grown by society. At one point in this country the symbol of Robert E Lee and other confederate soldiers were seen as commemorative. Hitler had statues of himself too, but once he was no longer acceptable, those images came down. Robert E Lee is not okay anymore. The confederate monuments across the south are not acceptable in society anymore. They will be replaced with other imagery, that one day a few hundred years from now will no longer be appropriate and will be removed again.

My ultimate argument with his original discussion is that the images he brought up, the cross and the Star of David, are symbols, not people. Yes, I realize that the people are symbols of a lot of things, but generally they don’t have the same pull as the symbols he brought up. The Star of David was already an important symbol in Jewish religion. The Cross became an important symbol because of the oppression that it caused Jesus. Had he been stoned to death, our symbolism would be much different.

Those who wish to argue with me about how statues are history, no they’re art. Art becomes out dated. At that point it goes into a museum and is no longer in the public. At that point you’ll have to pay to see it. However, if it doesn’t go into a museum, that is simply because the person that made it didn’t become popular enough to warrant a home in a museum. At that point they will probably be melted down and used for musket balls. The reenactment battlefield soldiers might need more.

Here’s the kicker. The people of America are not attached to these statues. They no longer hold any power as themselves, but only because someone threatened to take them away. That is the only reason anyone cares. Someone is taking them away, and for good reason. The country that this once was is still here. There are plenty of racist bigots running the show and keeping minorities in their place. Thankfully time is quickly ending.

Taking down a statue doesn’t mean the history didn’t happen, because it did, obviously. Not having a statue that supports the confederacy, a group who wanted to destroy America and break it apart, really isn’t that bad. Some people might associate a statue with their home town because it has been there for over a hundred years. Some folks are upset about that, but honestly, why does it matter? Your city isn’t identified simply for the existence of one statue, or a couple statues. Your city/town/etc is identified by a zip code, by groups of people, by a name. A statue does not make the city, it is simply a memory that you have associated with your city. Memories fade. Art changes. Objects and things aren’t that important. What matters is that you treat your neighbor with kindness and compassion. What matters is that you say nice things to people and behave in a manner in which you would expect your children to behave. Follow the golden rule and things will be fine. Keep fighting about insignificant bullshit and things will continue to be the ridiculous back and forth that it has been.

Take a step back and assess the situation before you begin to speak. Do some work and find out what is going on. Don’t be upset when people want to change the landscape and the conversation to something more positive and less oppressive.

I hope everyone has a great rest of your weekend. Those who are out protesting, please stay hydrated! And spread love not hate.

Audition: Take 1

When I was in library school I took a practicum to be a First Year Instruction librarian. I was not so great at that whole part of my life, however I did a blog about it and one of the things I remember from that was how important reflection after a class really is. Today I had an audition for a position at a local yoga studio. I have practiced there from time to time and I really enjoy how close it is to the ocean. The owner/lead instructor was ever so gracious to give me a chance to succeed with her studio. Today was my official audition. Reggae Flow.

First off, there is a lot of Reggae music out there and narrowing down my choices was really difficult. I thought the playlist ended up pretty well. Subjects from the sunshine to unconditional love, lionesses on the rise to warriors. My critique with the music was it may not have been loud enough, but I’m always afraid people won’t be able to hear me. So that is something I need to play around with! Not a big deal.

Second, I used the routine that I put together for my graduation. It’s a pretty legit routine, or at least I think it is. I like to do as Iyengar suggests and hold each pose for 20-30 seconds. For me that is about 5 breaths. Gives you time to settle into a pose and actually attack it and attempt to better your asana. Everyone got sweaty. People laughed at my jokes and random banter. That is encouraging. I try to make things a little light hearted and laid back. The asana is serious enough, the mental state in the room doesn’t need to be.

Third, I was nervous. I expected to be nervous, as I always am when I go to a room full of people that I don’t actually know. Working with my kula during our training was scary at first too, because we were just getting comfortable with each other, however each time I walk into a class for the first time I get nervous. Doesn’t matter what I’m teaching. Art history or yoga. Day 1 anxiety is something I am accustomed to.

Fourth, I got some great feedback from students at the end. Just saying that they enjoyed the practice, or they like the way I said something they had never heard before, etc. I like that. I wanted to be able to speak to them all, but Saturday morning bustle is real when the sun comes out for the first time in a freaking week! The beach was calling to many. 🙂

Fifth, my routine was not normal this morning and it threw me off and made me a little more nervous than I should have been. I’m totally okay with it being thrown off because my best friend has returned to America from Nepal and I am so happy she is staying with me. She brought me back some priceless gifts and I love them all. She used to teach at the studio that I auditioned for today. I’m basically just trying to follow in the footsteps she has laid out. It seems to be working! Fingers crossed it continues to do that! ❤

I hope everyone enjoys the weekend!

~Namaste~<3

Onward and Upward

I have busted my ass as long as I can remember. I had a part time job starting at the age of 14 and always had a job since then, aside for the 6 weeks I didn’t in 2014. I have gotten an education along the way. Constantly pushing myself to prove, mostly to myself, that I’m not a moron. I was never an A+ student. I was an A/B student with the occasional C in math. I hate math. I’m an artsy type, so that isn’t abnormal.

In the 20 years I have been in the workforce I have worked in all kinds of places. I started out filing papers in a doctors office after school. I then moved on to retail in Jewelry, Kmart, then on to lots of restaurant jobs, back to retail, back to food, back to retail. Then in New York City I ended up working in education. I always said I wanted to teach. More specifically that I wanted to teach Art History. I had such great teachers in college that I wanted to be just like in my own way. I thought I could do it. So I set out on a path to do it. But turns out that path involves a PhD. So, I started with the Masters. I went to NYU and got that taken care of, amazingly. I never thought I would be smart enough to hang with the elite of NYU, but I graduated with a 3.6 GPA. So, you’d think I had the ability to tell myself I was pretty smart by that accomplishment, right? Nope. Still thought I was a moron.

I came home from New York and got a crap job. I stayed in that job and moved up for a few years. Then I went back to school for a degree in Library and Information science. I always saw so many openings for librarians when I searched for jobs. What the hell right? I busted my ass to get through library school in 18 months. I worked in a library for 2 years, one year in grad school and the other year just after. I like it. It was fun. Being surrounded by so much knowledge on a daily basis. I graduated with a 3.95 because I got an A- in a class. So, you’d think that would set me straight, and I would be confident in my knowledge. Nope. Still always second guessing my skills, what I knew how to do, etc.

I got laid off in 2014 from that library job. They didn’t want to hire me, as I was just a temp for a year. I suppose it isn’t good to be progressive around some folks. I accept that. At that point I was unemployed. I got 3 unemployment checks before I started working in retail again. Some crappy things happened with some friends of mine, we had a huge falling out in July 2014. And being really upset about not having a job, etc didn’t help.

One day I got an email from one of my undergraduate professors that I had kept up with. She said she would be taking a leave of absence for the semester of Fall 2014 and would I be interested in teaching her courses. She had 2, but could get me in line with a 3rd so the money would be worth it. Lucky for me a great friend of mine let me crash in her spare room for a few months. I moved. I took a chance. I cut a lot of ties with a lot of people, and took a chance on myself. I was SO scared of doing this teaching thing. University level teaching. It had been 4 years since I was in an art history class. I had no idea how to make a lesson plan or what kind of assignments to create. Hell, I didn’t even know what book to take my notes from. But I do know how to bust my ass, and I figured it all out. Yes, there were lots of bumps along the way. Yes I probably learned far more than my students did the first couple of semesters, but what I never stopped to take note of is the fact that I did it. I faked it the whole time and I made it. I’m a far better teacher now than I used to be. Going into my 4th academic year, reflecting on all of the hard work I have put into this career, I can say that I am much smarter than I ever gave myself credit.

My journey in getting Yoga certified has been a big contributor to that confidence. I still get nervous getting up in front of a class of people the first day, I know this because I taught my first adult class last Thursday and I was terrified. But I know what I’m doing. I have to remember that. Yes, I’m still learning, and hope to be forever, but I know the basics well enough to tell the people about it and even guide them through a practice. Yes, I will screw up. Yes, I will say the wrong thing. In all of the classes I teach. Some days I will be more tired than others. Some days I will be stretched too thin and others I will be bored to tears. But no matter what is going on, I will know that I have the ability to do what I am doing. People that know me on a personal level, they see it more than I do, and they tell me. The old professor that gave me her classes in 2014 emailed me yesterday telling me that she is continuously impressed by me. She has been my colleague for 4 years now and I can say I am equally impressed with her. She has always been a role model and without her guidance I don’t think I could have made it through the past couple of years. Honestly, my whole department has been really supportive and provided lots of guidance and feedback.

Today is the first day of the semester, even though classes don’t start until Aug 16. Today I got the Dean’s welcome email. I usually don’t read all of the emails from him, but this one I did. Turns out they gave everyone a raise. Me included. Sticking with it, and busting your ass pays off sometimes.

In Yoga news I have 2 more weeks in the After School program on Tuesdays. I have a Thursday evening class for adults. And tomorrow I’m going to meet with a studio owner to get things set up for a position in her studio. I can do this. I have the skills. I have the knowledge. I have the time. Onward and upward I go. I have been busting my ass. I will continue to bust it. And things will continue to pay off. I have some goals to reach by the end of the year, and I’m well on my way to accomplish them.

Thank you to all those who support me, encourage me, and inspire me. Without you always telling me that I was actually good enough, I may never have figured it out for myself.

~Namaste~ ❤

Dedication

I just made myself a smoothie. Blueberries, mango, celery, basil, spinach, hemp seeds, honey, and almond milk. Blend blend for a delicious breakfast. The basil really makes it delightful and cooling. I was reading about the health benefits of basil. Lots of good stuff come out of this little herb, and it really tastes delicious in a predominantly veggie based smoothie. It adds its own sweetness.

So, dedication is a real thing. It is so hard to dedicate time to yourself for the benefit of health and wellness. My first coach said to write it down in your calendar. Schedule it, like you do everything else. It’s a great idea and worked well for me, and still does. I’ve had the same workout/exercise routine for a couple of years now. It was hard to get that routine down pat. It was hard to dedicate the time to making myself move, but I did it. I was paying for it, I will make time. So I did. The hard part for me now is making time to add stuff to the already routine I have. I have been gaining and losing the same 20lbs for the past year and I am over being on this yo-yo plateau. Yes, I still see changes in my body, but I’m ready to dedicate the extra time it is going to take in order to actually get off this back and forth.

Can I be completely honest here? I have no freaking idea what it is like to be an average sized person. I’m not even talking about being skinny, but just like an average size 12. As long as I can recall I have shopped in the plus sized section. I know this sounds terrible, but I find comfort in this section. Because I don’t have as many options. Because I don’t actually have to change anything to achieve this section. Yes, I have gone from being a size 28 to a size 18/20. Right now I’m more toward the 20. And yes I am approaching the end of the size spectrum in this section, but I’m still not gone. I linger. Holding on. But what am I holding on for? I tell myself it is because my body just likes it here. My body just likes to be fat. No, my body would probably love it if I wasn’t overweight anymore. Then my skeletal system would get a little bit of a break. My knees especially. What’s the real reason? Because it is easier to just be fat.

Because it is easier to just be fat. The food makes you feel better because it’s loaded with sugar and salt and chemicals that play with your brain. I also really love vegetables and things that are good for me, but sometimes it is just too much work. Sometimes it just doesn’t matter and I’m hungry now. Eat a peanut butter sandwich.

As someone suffering from PCOS, which makes me insulin resistant (I do not have diabetes though, thank God), I should live a very clean food driven life. I should be focused on avoiding grain and things that react as sugar in the body. Grain, alcohol, sugar, and fruit. I like fruit so i will never give it up, and it is good for you, you just have to know when to eat it. There is fruit in my smoothie, just not much in comparison to the vegetables.

I have the tools to accomplish this stuff. I was well on my way in June, but then I got 5 days of IV drip steroids and blew up like a puffer fish. The 15 pounds i lost turned into 20 gained. It is still here. And I’m done with it. I’m getting more work teaching yoga. I’m going to need the proper fuel to sustain throughout the day and keep myself healthy. I have the tools. I have the knowledge. I know what I’m doing because I’ve been doing this for a long ass time. I just have to put the elements together and dedicate the time. So here goes.

I made a new workout schedule. I’m making a grocery list of low carb, satisfying food that I can be happy with. I am taking things one day at a time. My goal is to lose 35lbs in the next 150 days. That will be the end of 2017. I know I can do it. I’ve done it before. I can do it again. Only this time we’re going to keep moving down. It will be mostly food oriented. I’m going to give 100%.

I really try not to pay attention the scale. But sometimes it tells us the truth, even though we don’t want to see it. I know that this is a big long journey and that I should honor that and how far I have come. I do honor that, believe me. I am quite proud of who I am and what I have accomplished. This year especially! I will probably come here to complain about how much I want a cupcake. I will also complain about the heat or something similar which will make me not want to go for a walk. Then I will get mad at myself. Then I will go on a walk. But I will probably stop and write about how mad I am in between.

Today, I would normally be heading to the gym, but I have to go take a tour of a facility where I will be teaching yoga on Thursday nights. It’s apparently an involved building complex. So, I am skipping it to take this tour. I will be coming home to practice my yoga routine sequencing for the week. I have a class Thursday evening and on Sunday morning.

I hope the day is full of magic and positive changes. ❤

Wiggly

I have been in a state of bliss the past couple days, just because of the weather. The heat is still around, but the humidity has been really low. Last night there was a magical breeze as I sat outside with friends. It felt like Fall had come early. But here I sit and it is only August 1. Also, can you believe it is August 1? Only 15 days until I have to start teaching again. Yikes! But the weather makes me wiggly inside. And I start to long for jeans, boots, and scarves. Soon.

I’m going back to the after school program today to hang out with the kids. I have a fun story to share with them. At least I think it is fun! And I have a new partner to help me out. The original lead here couldn’t keep the job because of a schedule issue, so it’s my baby now. I think today is going to be an awesome day for some yoga. Going to a local yoga thing tonight at the studio where I did my training. They’re celebrating one year of being open. I’m excited to celebrate with them. Love the ladies responsible and the instructors that I have met. I have yet to meet all of them, but maybe as time goes along.

Starting my first Sunday yoga installment this weekend. Looking forward to getting a regular practice with two of my best friends. It’s yoga then brunch and some pool lounging. How could you go wrong? Also, they’re going to help me learn a lot about transitions and adjustments. Not sure if they know it yet, but it’s real.

In other yoga news I have a 30 day pass for a local yoga center that I really need to use. I am in need of more of it, and I want to do my best to actually benefit from it. I’m hesitant to do it because it is another commitment to myself and sometimes I’m afraid of making too many commitments to her. I know that sounds completely silly, but it is true. I’m always afraid that I’m going to over extend myself. I should reconsider thinking that going to yoga for 30 days is an ever commitment. Because that’s honestly just bananas. I also enjoy being lazy during my time off from work.

I need to write down my routine for today and work on my routine for Sunday with the girls. I also need to handle some administrative stuff. Being an independent contractor is really a lot of work. I see why people just don’t.

Have a lovely rest of the week!

Falling into Bliss

Top of the morning to y’all! I can’t even begin to explain how thrilled I am with life right now. I’ve been working my butt off to make sure that things get done. My yoga certification was a big one, and now that it is over things keep falling into place. It’s bananas.

During training we talked about how the things you put out into the world can manifest themselves. Not only am I putting myself out there, but I’m not afraid to do it anymore. I used to sit and hesitate, making excuses that I wasn’t good enough to do XYZ. But here’s the kicker, I’m better than good enough. I am perfection in my imperfection. Do I still screw up? of course! Do I still have setbacks? Of course! But it is all in the way you handle things. And now things that used to bother me and that I would stress about, do not have the same effect.

Yesterday I went to do yoga with some kids in their after school program. Super high energy and crazy after school as all kids usually are. So sweet though. They just want attention from new people most of the time, especially the younger ones. One of the hot topics was my blue shirt and how it was soooo pretty. One girl wanted to do my hair. And two of them, sisters, had to sit next to me and lean on me for a while. When it was time to do stuff, they mostly chimed in. Being the first time the kids were sometimes confused as to what was going on, but they picked up on things pretty well. At the end, 3 of the boys who were probably 2-3rd grade sat and meditated. One of them obviously does it regularly because I’m pretty sure he zoned out for a good few minutes. After we cleaned up the mats he even went to the reading corner and continued to breathe and stay quiet. This is all because the elementary school he goes to offers yoga. I have done some work at his school, and I am so glad to see that these kids are actually taking their practice home. Just goes to show that teaching mindfulness is vital to children. It gives them an outlet they may never have had before.

Once I got home from after school I had an email from my boss at the University where I teach. She wanted to know if I wanted an extra class. Of course I did! So as I sit here we are figuring out what hours and such, so the Registrar’s office can make it reality. I will be honest, I was kinda nervous about not having 3 classes. 3 classes means I will have my bills paid. I was making the steps to have yoga classes make up the missing income, but now I don’t have to stress about that as much. And I am SUPER thankful for that. I am working on other things too, and hopefully they will come into reality but for now they are floating in the ether.

Got on the scale this morning. Down 6 pounds. I assume it is from the increased hours of yoga and not eating as much. That’ll do it right? Move more and eat less. Life is beautiful. I did have a weird dream about eating glass last night. Apparently it is a cue to shut up, or that I have said something to hurt others. Probably because I told Zack to shhhhh during Game of Thrones last night (Yes I watched it a few days late). He didn’t appreciate it and was ill with me for a bit. Obviously that translated into my dream. I will say that the glass eating was all too real in that I could feel it crunching in my teeth. And I remember thinking, oh this is crunchy! and then looking down to see it was a glass elephant that I was eating, so I spit it out because passing glass through the body didn’t seem like a good idea. Pretty sure i had swallowed some already though. Dreams are weird. Lesson learned in multiple ways.

So, that is about it for today. The only other news is my business cards shipped this morning and I am super excited to see them in person. Here’s to the future! Also, remember that what you put out into the world, you get back. Put good things out there and good will come back to you!

Namaste!