Who am I?

God, what a loaded question. I ponder it from time to time, but sometimes I cannot really  answer it. Yes, I am human, female, daughter, sister, friend, partner, etc.. But we all know that none of that determines who I actually am. None of the degrees I have matter in the grand scheme of things. It is really all just built on how you live you life, right? instead of friend and sister I should focus on words like giving, empathetic, thoughtful, right? Or am I wrong here too?

I am feeling extra reflective today, and probably will going into this week. Wednesday would have been my dad’s 62nd birthday. I get to thinking about whether or not I will end up seeing my 62nd birthday, and then what should I change about my life in order to make sure I do get there, and also make sure that it is a life worth living along the way. I want to be happy and healthy, that is really all I want. Since the hurricane I feel completely off. Schedules are different and lives have been altered, and I am trying to get the new schedule to work for me, and yet it doesn’t. It should but it’s becoming harder than I anticipated to get back in the swing of things. And despite how difficult things are I have to keep pushing and accomplishing all my things. Just because my shit is in disarray doesn’t mean that I can stop and get things back in order. And there are a lot of things happening in the near future. Moving. Cleaning. Unpacking. Packing. Adjusting. And that is just November. December is not even a thing and I still have 10 days left in October.

I also want to spend less time being sad and hanging out at home alone. I like working from here, don’t get me wrong, but I get too caught up in my own world sometimes and I need to go do shit instead of be here.

I know I will figure it all out. I have to take it a day at a time. And I will attempt to make myself better accepting of this whole new schedule until further notice. I will get it all situated, just takes time.

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