Guys, I’m so excited about a weekend full of yoga. Things have been chaos the past two weeks and I need to recenter, focus, and exist with my girls. They inspire me so much, and it is nice to get the chance to be with them for 2 whole days. I learn so much and experience a much more calm version of myself that I don’t even know how to explain it. Even though it is quite demanding mentally and physically on these weekends, I love them and I always feel so refreshed and full of new energy when I leave.
Yesterday, I unveiled this insanity to the world of social media. My Facebook friends and family were quite receptive in their well wishes on this journey with Indigo Elephant Yoga. I am pretty excited about it. Things are still very very very fresh and new, and honestly I don’t know what is going to happen with this in the future, but I do know that it will be amazing. The Power of Now, a book required for my training, has really helped me focus on what is happening at this moment, and not what to expect in the future. This is what is important, not something that has the possibility to happen tomorrow. Right now, in this moment, I type to you, the great void, about my life and thoughts. It helps me stay focused.
Just a fun insight, I have been keeping an anonymous blog since 2007. It has taught me so much about myself and my thought process. I’m so thankful to have found this outlet so long ago. I still write there on occasion, but I feel that my energy is needed here more so now. This past week, dealing with the blows as they have come, I have found myself handling things in a much better fashion than I would have previously. You can ask my mom, I obsess over a lot of things, but generally they are health related. I always think it is cancer (and in this day and age, there’s a good chance!). But as the world dealt me a hand I have never really been dealt before, I was still concerned, but I didn’t have the same level of anxiety that I normally would in this type of situation.
So, enough with the vagueness, I was diagnosed with ocular neuritis, which is a swollen optic nerve. This is generally the first indication of Multiple Sclerosis. Talk about a really hard pill to swallow. The doctors sent me for a boat load of testing, including an MRI of my brain. Let me tell you, that was the worst thing I may have ever lived through. Being a chunky girl, shoved into a tiny tube, is not very comfortable nor is it good for claustrophobia. The neurologist reported that nothing came back on the MRI to indicate MS. But I still have a fair amount of pain in my eye, which is going down, thanks to the 5 days of IV steroid infusions that they prescribed. Holy crap, I have never been so swollen or retained so much water in my life. Mom told me not to get on the scale, but today I did, and I literally have 20 pounds of extra water on my body. My ankles look like those of a woman 9 months pregnant. I feel exceptionally gross and quite fat, but it will go away on its own after the last treatment this afternoon. The drugs have helped with my eye pain, but it is still there. I have an appointment with the neurological eye doctor in the morning for a full review of my eye. Hopefully she will be able to shed some light on what is actually going on in my brain.
All of this has been pretty insane, as I am not really one that goes to the doctor very often, and to have all of this happen in the course of a week, well, I’m just along for the ride at this point. Hoping to reach the end of this weird tunnel. Because of all of the appointments, I haven’t been working out and it is not very good for my anxiety. I look forward to being done this week, and back in the gym and yoga studio this weekend. My body needed time to heal, and I listened to it, for the first time ever. Like, actually listened. I made note of the way things were changing and how fast things evolved. It is very strange, and I can’t say that I care for it. But tomorrow I hope to know what in the world actually caused this, so I can avoid it in the future, if at all possible.
Trying to get all of this settled, trying to get my online classes finished, trying to make sure my eating is still on par with the guidelines that I had set for 30 days (yesterday was the first cheat day in 30 days!), and just trying to stay afloat is quite tiring. But like I said, the end is in sight, and hopefully that end will give me the ability to see clearly out of my left eye again, and not have it hurt when I look in any direction.
I will add that the ladies in the infusion department have been a delight. They are funny, and chatty most of the time, and have helped me pass the 5 hours I’ve had to spend with them this week and last. They have been a blessing. And really good at putting in an IV.
That all being said, in a fairly convoluted way, I’m on the mend. Indigo Elephant Yoga is becoming a reality because of it, and I am so excited to see what happens. Today is the first day of many and I will spend my hour strapped to an IV this afternoon reading about the history of Yoga and continuing to educate myself on the ins and outs of this new path I find myself wondering down. So many blessings have been bestowed on me, and I am so eternally grateful for each and every one of them. Even the hard, crappy blessings. Those are the ones that matter the most, because they change us for a reason. One day I’ll know what that reason is, but today, it is all still a mystery.
Take a few minutes today and be thankful for the blessings you have, as you never know what may become of them.
Smile. Be friendly. Namaste.